Time away!

Unschooling is interest based learning where children naturally learn from their environment and are trusted to learn what they need to learn to succeed in life.  Parents act as a resource person and role model to help educate their children in a respectful manner.  Unschooling will often look different with each family.  This blog includes my family's approach to the unschooling philosophy.  I will sometimes include ideas and challenges and sometimes I will include a blog of an actual day or event of our unschooling family.  Feel free to follow my blog if you would like to learn more.  Thank you for taking time to read my blog!

One comment I often get from non-homeschooling individuals is that they need a break from their child and cannot imagine spending the entire day with them.  People often say that they need space from their children to help improve their relationship.  There have been times when I have thought about this on days when I just need a break or time alone and I think, maybe we should send them to school, but that's usually just a moment that soon passes.  I never have an entire day where I think, I just need a break for an entire day from my children for 45 hours a week.  They are really pleasant to be around and they are a part of me.  My thoughts are basically, if I cannot handle being around my children, then how can I stand myself?  I of course do not share this information with people who make this comment, but I guess they may know my thought process now if they read my blog.  I love being around my kids.  They have great personalities, they're funny, they're creative, they're inspiring and intelligent and I learn so much from them.  It would be sad to think that some people wish away the childhood of their children, because it is not very long and I like to cherish every moment that I can.  Like anyone, I do need alone time from time to time, but it is not hard to do.  It's just a process of setting healthy boundaries with others that some people may find challenging.

During a day, we all have time to ourselves from time to time and we all have our solitary activities that we enjoy doing.  My oldest son loves playing with his super heroes and Star Wars guys.  He will do this for hours where he will play out different scenes with his action figures.  It is his alone time and how he has space for himself where no one bothers him.  My daughter loves to color and do art and this is what she will often do when she needs alone time.  She also enjoys playing with her small toys and dolls.  She also loves looking at her books.  My baby boy loves cars.  He will sit and line up his cars and trains and drive them around and create parking lots and roads with all of his little vehicles and he will spend hours doing this at times and then he will go outside and play with the little cars he can ride around and push with his feet and do basically the same thing on a larger scale.  This is his alone time.  I will often get on the Internet, do journal writing, yoga, blogging or walk the dog to get alone time, or sometimes just cleaning up a room can seem relaxing if no one is in it but me.  Sometimes I have to tell the children several times that I need alone time, but eventually they get it and give me space and go do their own thing.  We do not need constant interaction and then when we are ready to interact again, it can be stronger than if we are interacting when deep down we really need some personal space.  So they are learning how to set healthy boundaries through this.  They are learning how others need space and how they also need time to themselves to focus on loving themselves without constant interaction with others.  They do not have to physically be away from each other or from me to feel like they have their own time and space.  My husband is a musician and his private time will involve drumming, playing guitar, or listening to music on the computer.  He will often need some alone time in the evening after working during the day, but still takes time for the children also. 

The tricks to having alone time and not feeling overwhelmed by homeschooling multiple children is pretty simple and here are some steps to take if this is challenging for you or someone you know.

1. Encourage children to find their passions and do activities related to these passions.  For example, my oldest son is passionate about super heroes, my daughter is passionate about art and creating, and baby boy is passionate about cars.  These are their favorite things to do and their main interests.  These are activities that can help them find peace and balance in their lives by having something to focus on while they are alone without unhealthy, addictive distractions such as TV and video games even though these distractions are fine in moderation.

2. Compliment children a lot on individual talents, interests and qualities.  Respect their differences and do not expect them to just do busy work that they could care less about. This will just build up resentments and learned helplessness and cause them to strive for attention from you and therefore give you no alone time, space or sanity as their parent while they are awake or physically present.

3. Remember what makes you who you are and what your passions are.  Remember what makes you happy and peaceful and content and do the things you love regularly with or without the children. 

4. If you need time alone and do not feel like entertaining children, educating them and parenting them every waking hour of your life, tell them you need this time alone.  If they do not respond appropriately and still cling after you tell them, just tell them again.  They will eventually understand and go find things to make them happy and entertain themselves if they see that you need space and they will also learn to respect another person's boundaries, so it can be a wonderful teaching moment for your family.

5. After alone time is over, make sure you have positive interactions with all the children and let them know that they are loved and the need for alone time was nothing against them personally, but just something you needed for yourself. 

By using this approach, you don't need to have your children out of the house 45 hours a week for you to be able to stand these precious beings who were created from your body.  It's possible for all of you to be under one roof 24/7 and have mainly peaceful loving interactions while still having alone time and space to appreciate the stillness of the world.  This is one of the beauties of unschooling, there are no strict schedules to follow and there are no deadlines to meet.  It is simply a time to be with these beautiful little children who miraculously appeared in your life and to have the opportunity to embrace close, loving moments with them and peaceful distances under the same roof as they play happily with their inspirations.  There is no need for an escape route.  Life is short, embrace and cherish each special moment rather than avoiding it with distractions.  Unschooling can be a wonderful beginning to a lifetime of contentment and healthy relationships.